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ThePhillyLawyers announces a 24-hour Papal visit legal hotline

Posted on August 21st, 2015

ThePhillyLawyers is proud to announce the opening of their free 24-hour Pope hotline for all Pope-related legal questions.

The Pontiff will be visiting Philadelphia on September 26th and September 27th during the 2015 World Meeting of Families. Great chaos and confusion is expected. There will be uncertainty as to the enforcement of laws and the protection of citizens and visitors alike. It is divinely important that everyone have access to experienced legal advice for all Pope related questions.

Whether you are involved in a dispute with law enforcement authorities, injured while traversing through our fine city, or otherwise have a pressing Pope-related legal question, you can reach ThePhillyLawyers at 215-884-9300, 24 hours a day. We have attorneys available by telephone and in person for those located within any of the numerous rings of the Philadelphia Pope security.

Whether you are situated in the far-flung suburbs or in the inner circle of where His Holiness will be visiting, our experienced and knowledgeable attorneys are available for your assistance.

Frequently Asked Pope Questions:

Question:  I have an extensive criminal record. Will His Holiness be granting pardons?

Answer:  Unfortunately, Pope Francis is the head of the Catholic Church and has no authority to grant pardons for convictions in the United States. Your only recourse for a pardon is to continue to go through the American criminal justice system. From His Holiness’s writings and prior teachings, it is believed that he would be inclined to grant pardons under the right circumstances. Unfortunately, his jurisdiction is limited. The Pope can, however, grant absolution for your sins.

Question: Will I be allowed to kiss the Pope?

Answer:  After thoroughly researching this subject, it appears that all kisses should be limited to the Pope’s ring. Exceptions of course will be made for the poor, meek, or needy. It is long believed that the Pope is more inclined to kiss needy people. Even if you are needy, it is suggested that you first ask the Pope’s permission prior to any unsolicited kisses.

Question: Will biblical law be in effect throughout the Pope zone only, or will it be the entire City of Philadelphia?

Answer: Again, the laws of the City and County of Philadelphia, the State of Pennsylvania, and the United States of America will continue being the only laws that are enforced by authorities during the Pope’s visit. Despite the seemingly mystical and endless authority of the Pope and God above, biblical law will not be in effect during his visit.

Question: Since His Holiness is a Jesuit, will the Illuminati be taking over control of civil and criminal justice?

Answer: A valid question, but again, the only law in effect during His Holiness’ visit will be American state and federal law. Although Jesuits are by far the coolest order within the Catholic Church and Pope Francis himself is a cool Pope, there still is no such thing as the Illuminati nor any other secret Jesuit society overseeing the laws and machinations of the world (and the existence of such a sect is strictly denied by its secret leaders).

For more Pope related questions, please call anytime or reach us through our contact form on the website.

ThePhillyLawyers is a law firm operating throughout Southeastern Pennsylvania, specializing in criminal defense, personal injury and, for a limited time, ecclesiastical law.